


We Are Nowhere And It's Now

by FriendlyHag



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Happy Ending, Lighthouse Keeper AU, M/M, Romance, Technically set in the 70s but it's not a big part of the story, Touch-Starved Character, except that lighthouses weren't automated yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 05:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14325702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FriendlyHag/pseuds/FriendlyHag
Summary: Todd is a lighthouse keeper, shaped by years of self imposed isolation. His life changes forever when he's asked to take on a trainee keeper named Dirk Gently.





	We Are Nowhere And It's Now

Todd hunched over his notebook, scribbled with crossed out attempts at song lyrics. You’d think this kind of extended solitude would make him a better songwriter. You’d be wrong.

He made sure to glance up every few minutes, out the watch room window and into the grey sea. A boat would be arriving soon, but in this kind of fog he’d have tough luck seeing it until it was just minutes away.

Arnold was in his quarters downstairs, packing the last of his things, and Todd wondered if he was going to miss him. Arnold was close to the only human contact he’d had over the last two and a half years, but that hadn’t resulted in much of a bond between them. They’d shared the duties of running the Eastman’s Rock lighthouse and talked when necessary, but not much more. Arnold was older and preferred to keep to himself, mostly, which seemed to be the way of most keepers he’d met. Todd supposed that as the years had marched on, he'd become that way himself.

He wasn’t going to miss Arnold’s stubbornness, or his unpredictable temper. But to be fair, Todd was sure Arnold would have his own list of complaints about him, too.

The boat appeared as a shadow through the dense afternoon fog and Todd stood from his chair to watch it. He called out to Arnold but was unsure if he’d been heard.

He slipped on some boots and his ubiquitous woollen navy-blue turtleneck. It was baggy and comfortable but had gotten a few too many holes in it, not that that it mattered out here.

He descended the stairwell, stopping by Arnold’s room on his way to the bottom, but Arnold wasn’t packing anymore. Instead he was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at his room with an unreadable expression.

“I saw the boat out there,” Todd informed him, pulling him from his thoughts.

“I’ll be down in a minute,” Arnold said, pausing. “It’s been so long that it’s strange to imagine a life away from this place.”

Todd nodded understandingly. “It won’t be the same without you,” he offered, out of politeness more than anything.

Arnold snorted and slowly shook his head. “I hope this new keeper is better company than me, for your sake.”

Arnold rose and started gathering his things. Todd didn’t know what to say, but he wordlessly took some of Arnold’s bags for him and carried them down the stairs.

Cold crept under his clothes and sent a chill through his body as they stepped out the door. The rock that homed the lighthouse was about the size of a small truck and was surrounded by nothing but water; big enough to stretch your legs and little else. They stood at the edge by the pulleys, staring off into the hazy white abyss. Todd didn’t know what he hoped for in this new keeper. He tried not to hope for anything. Chances were, he would just be another Arnold, and there was nothing wrong with that.

Soon enough he could make out the face of Martin, a local fisherman that head office had a deal with. With his large tin motorboat, he acted as a taxi service for keepers coming to or leaving the lighthouse, not that this happened often.

Todd also got his first real glimpse of the new keeper. In a yellow waterproof coat, he looked like a neon sign in the haze. As the man locked eyes with him he waved his arm above his head like an excited child. Todd waved back with a curious smile, slightly bewildered.

He looked younger than any keeper he’d shared a job with before. Todd had expected as much, since head office told him the guy they were sending had never worked at a lighthouse before. If he had to guess, he’d say the man was about the same age as himself.

The boat pulled up by the rocky edge that rose up out of the water. Martin secured his boat to the attachments that adhered to the rock’s side, anchoring it firmly in place.

The rock was maybe 4 feet above sea level today, but it was too dangerous for people to climb from a boat onto the steep jagged edge. Not impossible, but it could cause accidents. Because of this, they always used a pulley system to transport people and supplies between boats and the rock.

They had a zip-line set-up fastened near the top of the lighthouse, coming down in a diagonal line to be tied to a boat.

 “Well well, long time no see,” Martin said with a friendly smile.

“I’ll say. How long has it been?” asked Todd.

“Not since my shore leave last year,” Arnold replied promptly. “How’s life been treating you?” He tossed the end of the line down to Martin, along with the hauling rope.

“Can’t complain,” answered Martin before turning his focus to his passenger. “This here’s Dirk, your trainee keeper.” He fed the line through an attachment on his boat and fastened it securely while they made their introductions.

“Good luck to you lad. I’m Arnold, but you’re not gonna be seeing any of me after today.”

“I’m Todd. You’ll be working with me.”

“Todd,” Dirk confirmed, seeming surprised. He had a strange look in his eyes but continued, “Fantastic to meet you both. And might I say, Todd, I’m loving that jumper, very _man of the sea.”_

He spoke like he was full of life and energy, in a clearly British accent.

“Uh, thanks,” Todd replied. There was a pause that maybe he was supposed to fill. He realised how out of practice he was at talking to new people.

“You’re gonna need to sit on this,” Martin said, passing Dirk a flat rubber circle, dangling from a rope that hung from the main line and fed back through the pulley system.

“What is it?”

“They need to lift you up onto the rock,” Martin explained, gesturing up to the steep diagonal slant of the pulley set-up.”

“Oh,” Dirk said, pausing.

“Is that a problem?” asked Todd.

“No. No, of course not,” Dirk said, then hurriedly slid the rope between his thighs without putting any actual body weight on the tiny seat.

Todd and Arnold grasped the rope on their end of the pulley, getting in position to pull. “Ok, on three,” said Todd. “One-“

“I hate to ask this, but nobody’s like, _died_ doing this, have they?” Dirk interrupted.

Maybe he should have just given him the reassurance he obviously wanted, but instead Todd gave Arnold a questioning look, wondering if he knew the answer. Arnold saw this and shook his head.

“Nobody’s died,” Todd assured. “You’ll be fine, it’s really simple. Just hold on tight.”

Dirk exhaled tensely. “Ok, I’m ready then...”

With a hard tug, Dirk’s ascent up the line began, as he clamped his thighs together and clung to the rope for dear life.

“You alright there?” Martin checked, with Dirk now hovering above his boat.

“Yup. Totally,” Dirk said.

They tugged the rope back the rest of the way until Dirk was suspended above the rock.

“Get the poor guy down,” Arnold ordered. “I can handle the rope.”

Todd did as he was told and hurried over to Dirk, standing in front of him for a second, briefly unsure of himself. He walked around behind him and reached up to put a hand on each side of his waist. “You can jump down,” Todd said. “I’ve got you.”

Dirk hesitated for a few moments, but Todd stood there silently, patiently. Then, Dirk slid off the seat and jumped down. A startled noise escaped him on his way down and he clumsily stumbled backwards into Todd.

It took a moment to register and Todd stood there with his hands still on Dirk’s waist, his chin at his shoulder. Dirk turned his head back to look at him, making Todd’s breath falter. It did cross his mind in that moment that this new keeper was kind of cute, but he filed that thought away under things that didn’t need to be thought of again.

“Thanks, Todd,” Dirk said cheerily, tapping his hand a few times on Todd’s shoulder appreciatively before stepping out of his grasp.

It felt weird to realise that that was the most physical contact he’d had with another human being in almost six years. But it made how effected he was by it more understandable… or creepy and pathetic, he wasn’t sure which.

Sometimes, life before the lighthouse didn’t feel as real as it should in his memory. But almost six years ago was the last time he'd hugged his sister Amanda, back before he'd ruined everything and made her hate him, back when lighthouse keeping was just a shitty temp job of his.

 “Goodbye Todd,” said Arnold, reaching out for a handshake and pulling him from his thoughts.

“Bye Arnold, it was nice working with you,” Todd said, returning the handshake. Arnold gave a nod, then turned his attention to getting himself in the boat. It was easier to get somebody into the boat than out, as it was working _with_ gravity, not against it. Before long, Arnold was in the boat and everybody’s luggage was transferred to its rightful owner.

When they were done, Martin took off, leaving only Todd, his new trainee, and the lighthouse.

“So, that was interesting. I never would’ve guessed zip-lining was a part of being a lighthouse keeper,” Dirk said as he picked up his notably small suitcase.

“Yeah,” he said, almost with a hint of a smile. “...Anyway, I’ll give you a tour, then we can sit down and have something to eat and I’ll tell you all about the job. Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” he replied. “Ugh, what is that horrible noise?”

“What noise?”

“You seriously don’t hear that? That booming honk that’s been going off like every thirty seconds since I got here.”

Todd blinked, then recognition dawned on him. “ _Ohh_ , you mean the fog signal. It’s a warning for sailors in this sort of weather.” He began to lead him inside the lighthouse. “Do this job long enough and you’ll get so used to it you won’t even register that it’s there anymore.”

 

 

Eastman’s Rock lighthouse was a huge towering thing, and it needed to be if it had any hope of surviving the weather out there. It had been built taller than the tallest waves of the worst storm to avoid the lens getting broken or the light extinguished.

Starting at the entrance room, Todd walked Dirk down a level, into the cellar. It was grey and smelled weird and had very little in it, but it still deserved a mention.

“This is the cellar. It’s where we keep the water tanks,” Todd explained, ready to turn around and move on with the tour.

“What are the water tanks for?”

“Everything, we don’t get running water out here.”

“Oh. Duh, of course,” Dirk said, lightly tapping himself on the head. Then something caught his eye on the other side of the cellar. “Is that your guitar? I didn’t know you played guitar.”

 _Why would you know I play guitar?_ Todd thought.

“I mean, I hadn’t imagined that you did when I saw you,” Dirk corrected. That didn’t make it much less weird, but Todd moved on.

“Yeah, I used to be in a band. I still play sometimes.”

“In the cellar?” he asked, his tone acknowledging what an unappealing place it seemed to spend any long length of time.

“Arnold didn’t like the noise.”

“Ah,” Dirk nodded. “Can you play a song?”

Todd considered it for a moment. “Maybe later. Come on, I still need to show you around.”

Dirk followed him out of the cellar. “You know, you can play guitar anywhere you want now that Arnold’s gone. I don’t mind. I’m not going to banish you to that dark and dusty cellar like some sort of cave troll,” he said as they walked up the stairwell.

Todd had to smirk at his last remark. “Thanks. But tell me if you change your mind. I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

They walked up through the oil room next, then the storage room, bathroom and kitchen. He rushed through this part of the tour because there wasn’t much to see. Nonetheless, Dirk was lively and full of questions with each room they passed. His energy was somewhat jarring to Todd, but it was still a welcome change. He just wasn’t sure if he could keep up.

They stopped at the bedrooms, so Dirk could put down his luggage. The two bedrooms were small and divided by a thin wall, with only the bare basics of furniture. When he was done, they continued up to the service room.

“This is where you’ll be when you have watch duty,” Todd explained as they entered.

Dirk walked in front of Todd further into the room and leaned his hands on the counter, staring out one of the many large windows that wrapped around the cylindrical room. “Wow,” he commented cheerily at the view.

Todd walked over so he was standing next to him, looking out over the sea. At this height, the soft blanket of fog made it feel like they were in the clouds. “You can see everything from here when the weather’s better. And if you see anything bad, like a shipwreck or something, you can radio into head office with this,” he said, stepping over to tap a small panel of buttons on the wall. “You just hold down this button and wait till you hear someone speak.”

“Seems easy enough.” Dirk leaned back against the counter, watching Todd interestedly for a moment. “…Have you ever seen anything weird?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, mermaids-“

“Mermaids?”

“Well not mermaids specifically, but anybody who’s spent their life watching the sea must have some pretty good stories to tell.”

“I don’t have-“

“I’m sorry. You’re right,” he interrupted. “It’s too soon.”

“It’s not that, I’ve honestly never seen anything that interesting.”

“Ok Todd,” Dirk said dully, then gave an exaggerated wink.

A small chuckle escaped Todd, but rather than arguing he decided to let him keep his sense of whimsy for now.

Finally, he took Dirk to the lamp room up at the very top of the lighthouse. When lit, it was like being inside a giant lantern, encased by glass panel walls. Except right now it was pretty ordinary looking as the lamp was off and the blinds surrounding the walls were pulled all the way down.

“This is where the light happens. I’ll run you through how it works when I turn it on tonight,” he said. “…Don’t touch that,” he added flatly as Dirk reached out a hand to the lens.

“Sorry,” Dirk said. “Hey, where does that door go?”

“There’s a wrap-around balcony out there. It’s mostly used to clean the windows. But it’s a nice place to go to think, if you’re ok with heights,” Todd explained. “Anyway, that’s about all I’ve got to show you for now. Do you wanna stop and eat?”

“Sure,” Dirk said, following him out of the room and into the stairwell.

“Do you cook?” Todd asked when they entered the cramped, round-walled kitchen.

Dirk narrowed his eyes and made a wobbly gesture with his hand. “Somewhat?”

“You’re gonna do a lot of cooking here. But it’s ok, I can teach you some things.” Todd squeezed past Dirk who had sat down at the tiny kitchen table. “Not today though, I just want to quickly throw something together.”

“Alright by me,” he said pleasantly.

Todd grabbed a plastic container of pre-cooked pasta and jars of various things from the fridge, then stepped over to the stove. Cooking for Dirk made him feel like he was having a guest over, a feeling he had practically forgotten.

“So, how much did they tell you about this job at the interview?” Todd asked over his shoulder as he emptied the pasta into a saucepan, following it with a premade tomato and herb sauce, olives and sundried tomatoes.

“A lot of things were said, definitely,” he stalled. “…Is it bad if I say I don’t remember the vast majority of it?”

Todd dismissed his concerns with a handwave. “Eh, don’t worry about it. I can give you the basic run down.” The warm scent of basil and oregano sizzled from the pan as it heated. Todd caught a single olive on his fork and ate it before starting his spiel. “As a trainee, you’ll get moved around a lot more than the rest of us. Normally, a keeper is switched to a different lighthouse about every three years, but a trainee is switched every few months for the first two years, mainly because they want you to get a feel for working in every type of lighthouse.”

“Why does everybody have to move around so much? Why can’t you just stay in the one lighthouse?”

Todd shrugged. “It’s just the way things are done. My guess is it’s to keep things fair, since it’s a whole lot nicer working on a coastal lighthouse than a rock lighthouse like this one. Also, if two keepers hate each other they’re less likely to kill the other if they know they only have to put up with each other for three years.”

“Does that really happen?” asked Dirk, scandalised.

“I’ve heard stories,” Todd said, taking another olive. “Anyway, watch is from 6pm to 6am and we split that into four three hour shifts which we alternate between us. If you’re on watch at 6pm, it’s your job to light the light, and vice versa putting it out. When you’re not on watch, there’s lots of cleaning and record taking and general upkeep to do around the lighthouse. I’ll show you all that tomorrow.”

Dirk nodded with wide eyes, taking it all in.

“For now, you can just follow me around and watch how I do things around here,” Todd finished.

“I look forward to it,” Dirk said amicably.

“Then you might be disappointed. Not to be a downer, but you haven’t exactly picked the most entertaining job.”

“Come on, Todd, it’s only boring if we make it boring. In fact, I have a feeling in no time at all you and I will be terrific friends.”

Todd’s mouth opened like he was about to speak. He just didn’t know how to respond to something like that from somebody he just met. “…Yeah, maybe,” he managed, hoping to sound casual rather than cold and uncomfortable, but it didn’t work out that way. Dirk’s smile dimmed.

When caught off guard, things never came out right. This had grown truer with each passing year, as the life of a lighthouse keeper left him rusty and out of practice when it came to other people.

 Dirk would probably think he was cold and standoffish. And maybe he was right.

“Hey, I’d meant to ask, did they talk to you at the interview about adjusting your sleep pattern before you started?” Todd asked, hoping to change the subject.

“They did. But for some reason I couldn’t get to sleep this morning until it was only four hours from when I had to wake up.”

“That sucks. Well, I don’t mind if you go to sleep before the watches are over tonight, just stay up as late as you can.”

“Thanks, I should be able to stay up though. You’d be surprised how little sleep I can get by on.”

“Just don’t push yourself too hard. I’m fine with picking up some extra responsibility while you’re getting the hang of things.”

Todd served the pasta into two bowls topped with parmesan cheese and set them down on the table. He thought he did ok given the limitations of lighthouse food, but he still watched Dirk with trepidation as he took his first bite.

“Is it edible?” Todd asked, mixing the cheese through his own pasta nervously.

“Mm it’s great,” he said after he finished chewing. Todd relaxed. “How does that work anyway? Is there a grocery ship or something?”

“Kind of. The supply boat comes once every three months. You can request particular things, but fresh food is basically out of the question. You get used to it though.”

“Well, there’s always shore leave, right?” Dirk said optimistically.

“That’s true, and eventually you’ll end up on a lighthouse that isn’t stranded on a rock in the middle of the sea. At the lighthouse I worked before this one we could at least have a vegetable garden,” Todd replied, then he remembered something he’d been wondering about. “What made you want to become a lighthouse keeper anyway?”

Dirk looked like he was pondering the question thoughtfully. “I suppose I quite like the idea of a life at sea,” he said earnestly, then his energy shifted. “Also, I like the idea of being like one of those adorable old men at the harbour pub, you know the ones, with the beards and funny hats, and the jumpers basically just like yours; a world-weary look in their eyes that says they’ve fought the sea and lived to tell the tale.”

“That novelty’s gonna wear off fast, you’ll get sick of this job quick.” he said, remembering his own naivety when he started working as a keeper.

“I don’t think so, Todd. You’ll see,” Dirk replied.

 

 

As the moon rose, the weather shifted to reveal a clear fogless night, and by 9pm, Dirk and Todd had completed first watch together.

It was going to be a long night, since Todd didn’t want to leave Dirk on watch unattended, not yet. Luckily, he had enough caffeine to get him through this doubling up of his workload.

“I can do second watch by myself, you go take a break and come back at 12 if you don’t fall asleep,” Todd said.

“That’s ok, I don’t want to miss if there’s a sinking ship we need to save. Or a boat carrying a suspicious looking cargo, or a catastrophic weather change, or-“

“I’ll call you if any of those things happen, go take a break.”

Dirk raised his pointer finger and looked like he was about to object, but he stopped himself. “Alright, well, I’ll be in my room if you need me.” Then he was gone.

Todd leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the counter, letting his arms hang by the sides limply as he stared at the ceiling. He was exhausted from more socializing than he’d done in years, but also content, happy even. It had been a strange day. As much as he'd enjoyed Dirk’s presence, he was glad to have some time alone to regroup, a moment to breathe.

A life like Todd’s had increasingly left him feeling boring and like he barely had anything to say to people. But Dirk was the opposite. It was like he had an overflowing store of words and was constantly flitting from one thing to the next. Some of the things that would come out were a bit weird, or random, or borderline nonsensical, but Todd wasn’t too phased by it. Dirk didn’t even seem to notice how much he was picking up the conversational slack, giving them a topic every time there was a lull that Todd had nothing interesting to fill with. This quality of his put Todd at ease somehow, but it also reminded him of someone.

Lots of things about Dirk had reminded him of someone.

This thought led him to wander over to the radio in the corner and play with the dial until he found the right frequency. As expected, there was nothing interesting being said, just one truck driver warning another about a traffic jam up ahead caused by a minor car crash. Todd turned it down and let it sit in the background.

He’d discovered CB radio about a month ago. It was exciting in theory, because he never knew what he was going to get; he could talk to whoever else was up late, bored, and tuned into the same obscure channel as him. That was the idea anyway. In practice it’d mostly been a letdown.

It’d seemed like the only types of people who used it were other maritime workers, truck drivers, and the occasional pilot, and none of them had conversations Todd felt like joining. But still, he left it on in the background on most watches, rolling the dice to see if something interesting came up. And one night, something had.

A man had come onto the radio, wanting to ask local truck drivers some questions. He'd spoken strangely with a heavy southern accent. A few of them had volunteered, but the questions had become increasingly bizarre and esoteric, leading the truck drivers to think that he must’ve been pulling a prank. The man had been _adamant_ that this wasn’t the case, explaining that he was a “holistic detective” —meaning that his work was “concerned with the fundamental interconnectedness of everything”—and that his questions were 100 percent serious. At that point, the truck drivers had refused to speak to him anymore and the radio had gone silent—except for this supposed detective repeatedly asking if they were still there.

Todd had felt weirdly sorry for him, but he'd also wanted to hear more, and the guy would probably have left the radio and never come back if Todd hadn't done something about it. That was when he'd turned his mic piece on.

He'd learned that the man’s name was Steven. Steven had just seemed happy to have somebody interested in what he was saying. With very little prompting, he'd divulged every detail of the case he was working on to Todd, doing so by telling a series of long, seemingly unrelated stories that eventually came together as a fantastical but hard to follow explanation for why he was there, questioning truck drivers on the radio.

He'd had no idea if the guy was for real. On the one hand, some of the things he'd said were too unbelievable to be true, on the other hand, it had felt way too complicated to be some prank. The guy would have to have been an actor or something. Either way, it had made his watch much more interesting.

After that, Todd left the radio on in the background of every watch and eventually, Steven returned. With little introduction, he'd launched into updating Todd on all the new developments in the case, pausing to ask for his opinion occasionally. Even though Todd had felt majorly out of his depth, by the end of the conversation Steven had decided that Todd was to be his new assistant. Todd had been surprised and reluctant, but Steven had talked him out of his objections, reminding him that it would only be by radio correspondence.

From then on, Todd would wait for the days when Steven would come onto the radio to tell him the progress of the case. He never told Arnold about it.

Tonight, the radio chatter carried on with no sign of Steven. He hadn’t heard from him at all for a week now. Despite his exhaustion, he had hoped Steven would radio in at some point in the night. He wanted to tell him about Dirk.

It was strange how alike Dirk and Steven were in the way they came across. It seemed like a one in a million thing to meet two people so unusual yet so similar to each other. They would probably become best friends if he introduced the two of them, he mused.

As the clock drew nearer to midnight he had to give up and turned the radio off. And as the clock struck 12, Dirk was at the service room door, ready to start the next watch.

**Author's Note:**

> While I did do a lot of research about lighthouse keeping for this story, I took some liberties with certain aspects of the job to make the story work better. Just FYI.


End file.
